Review: The Children (1980)

“She’s always lurking around the house.”

I’m not sure if the parenting skills of the adults in The Children were representative of the late 1970s, but none of these people seemed to give two shits about their kids. Perhaps I missed something, because I was just slightly older than most of the titular characters when I first saw this and I don’t recall my family treating me as if I were little more than an annoyance.

Then again, I also viewed The Children through somewhat rose colored glasses, so I could be wrong.

Until I watched it again the other night, it had been over 30 years since I last saw The Children. I didn’t get to see the theatrical release way back when; instead, I happened to catch it courtesy of WOR-TV’s programming as a Saturday matinee.  I remembered it as being a bit on the eerie side but I was slightly more innocent and impressionable, though not as much as the kids in this clip.

As a brief side note, I really miss trailers like that. They were quick, told you all you needed to know and that was it. And the voiceovers were always somewhat creepy. It could have been the worst movie in the world but words uttered by that voice (was it Don LaFontaine?) would really make you want to see it.

Anyway, the premise is pretty simple: kids on a school bus pass through a toxic cloud and become zombie-like creatures who horribly burn and kill anything they touch…mostly their idiot parents. Then, of course, a few of the adults get wise (though it does take them a long time) and set out to destroy the kids. That’s the tale in a nutshell.

The Children is in no way as fun as my memory served, but it is an entertaining little low budget film with some decent makeup work and scary images of the kids stalking the adults. The film was reissued in 2005 and distributed on DVD by Troma Entertainment (responsible for gems like The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High and many more). To be honest, though the film is digitally transferred from one of the remaining prints, it still retains the scratches and jump cuts, looking like a typical low budget “grindhouse” film. Most viewers might find that offputting, but I think it’s endearing. By not cleaning it up and transferring it warts and all, it enables people to see it the way it was meant to be seen.

My wife had a lot of questions about why certain things happened or didn’t. Why did the kids turn evil? What was the deal with the girl playing the piano (they drew attention to her then she reappeared later, albeit briefly)? Did anyone work in this town? Why didn’t the cloud affect adults and only kids?

I told her that it’s The Children and it’s best not to think about it. Just sit back and enjoy the ridiculousness of it all, to relish the days when movies made no sense and you appreciated them for the sheer goofiness films like The Children had to offer. I almost wish the movie would have found new life via something like RiffTrax or local midnight movie viewings. Until then, I’ll have to pass on my copy to keep the story and the spark alive.

The Children grade: C+

HorrorHound Weekend Cincinnati part 1

This past weekend, my wife Hollie and I traveled to Cincinnati for their most recent horror event, the HorrorHound weekend, so it only seems fitting that I would open the site with a recap/review.

Though I’d been to horror conventions before (the 1993 Zombie Jamboree in Pittsburgh celebrating 25 years of Night of the Living Dead and, most recently, the Horror Realm con two years ago), this was the first time I’d attended an event that not only drew upon the genre’s illustrious history (with celebrities like John Carpenter, Tom Savini and many more appearing) but also showcased something current–the wildly popular “The Walking Dead” TV show.

We purchased tickets in advance weeks ago, but only for a single day which meant that we could take our pick of Friday, Saturday or Sunday if we wanted. Since we had a long drive ahead of us (five hours) and had to return in time for Hollie to go to work on Monday morning (not to mention trying to outrun an impending snowstorm beginning Sunday), we decided Saturday would be the perfect day. So off we went.

Was it a success? Well…

Yes and no.

See, other than shopping around for some fun horror merchandise, there were only a few things on our agenda. We really wanted to see the Walking Dead panel then hit up the IFC screening of the Maniac remake. Catching glimpses of the Walking Dead cast as well as Carpenter, Savini, Michael Madsen, Dee Snider (of Twisted Sister fame), and all the others would have just been plain cool.

We were able to accomplish one of those goals. Why? Because the lines inside were very similar to the ones to get in (keep in mind that pictured is the line on one side of the building and it extended completely around the other two sides).

That’s not to say we didn’t have a great time. We did.

One of the first people we spoke with, Daniel Boyd, was talking about Chillers, the film he wrote and directed for Troma as well as his comic graphic novel with all new tales (the Chillers 2 graphic novel is right around the corner). He was a very open and gracious individual and we ended up purchasing both, not just because of his involvement but also because I’m always open to new horror tales. My hope is that Daniel will be available sometime in the upcoming weeks for a full fledged interview about his current projects as well as his history with Troma.

We circled around the vendor’s room and perused tons of the merchandise for sale. Nearly anything you could possibly want as a genre fan was located within an arm’s reach at every turn. From 8 x 10 glossies to movie posters to old issues of Famous Monsters of Filmland and Fangoria magazines, the wave of nostalgia swept over me as I pored through everything the convention had to offer.

The vendors weren’t the only ones to occupy the room, however. Celebrities known to legions of true horror fans were peppered throughout. Consecutive tables saw Subpecies‘ director Ted Nicolaou with stars Anders Hove and Denise Duff chatting with people. Dean Cundey, the Oscar nominated cinematographer who worked on such films as Halloween, The Thing, Back to the Future and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, happy signed autographs for a seemingly never ending line of fans. Christine actors Steven Tash, Malcom Danare and William Ostrander (pictured below in addition to a replica of the infamous car) also smiled and greeted everyone searching for a signature.

And for those who can reach back to their childhood and remember one of horror’s first families, Eddie and Marilyn Munster (Butch Patrick and Pat Priest, respectively) of “The Munsters” were still almost instantly recognizable after all these years as they interacted with fans young and old.

Finally, we stopped at the Full Moon Entertainment booth where founder Charles Band presided over his oeuvre consisting of the Puppet Master series, the Trancers films and many others. He and the woman (whose name I didn’t get unfortunately) running the booth were incredibly nice and patient and even gave me a free movie because the overuse of WiFi at the center prevented them from being able to run our credit card and Hollie had to wait in a long line at the ATM for cash.

Once we left the vendor’s area, however, the convention failed on several levels and I’ll explain why in part 2.