Review: The House by the Cemetery (1981)

Just look at that poster. It promises all kinds of mayhem! Obviously, there’s an old house (and, based on the title of this site, you KNOW how much I love haunted house films), maybe a storm, but definitely…DEFINITELY a knife wielding maniac. Perhaps even a promise of the dead rising from said cemetery.

Turns out, the poster is the best thing about The House by the Cemetery.

The threadbare plot takes a husband, wife and their son to Oak Mansion, better known as the “Freudstein” house, the site of murders and suicide. The family soon discovers that something evil lurks in the basement, bent on destroying everything in its path.

When I noticed The House by the Cemetery was directed by Lucio Fulci, I knew I was going to be massively disappointed. Years ago, I caught The Beyond, the second film in what’s considered Fulci’s “gates of hell” trilogy, and, while I thought it was interesting at best, couldn’t imagine why its cult status is elevated as high as it is.

The same goes for this film. It’s more or less an incomprehensible mess with some decent gory kills thrown in for good measure. It’s poorly edited and the script is kind of all over the place with plot holes galore.

I often wonder what my reaction to The House by the Cemetery would have been had I seen it upon release (or at least on VHS several years later). Would I have enjoyed it as I did something like Phantasm (which has a very dreamlike quality about it) or even the original Friday the 13th (which shares a similar slasher nature)? It’s possible but I doubt it. It’s more like the type of movie my friends and I would have poked fun at in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

There are a lot of Fulci fans out there based on some of the things I’ve read over the years, but I just don’t find his style to my liking. Not everything is meant for everyone and films like The House by the Cemetery just aren’t for me.

The House by the Cemetery grade: D

Review: It Follows (2014)

After a bizarre sexual encounter with her boyfriend, Jay (Maika Monroe) finds herself being stalked by a malevolent supernatural entity whose only goal is Jay’s death.

Written and directed by David Robert Mitchell, It Follows is one of the most unsettling and creepy modern day horror films. Eschewing heavy doses of blood and gore, the film wisely relies upon a slow burn and an ever building sense of dread to create suspense. Mitchell’s use of both foreground and background (as well as several 360 degree camera movements) keeps the viewer off kilter, leaving you to wonder from which direction the threat will next manifest itself. It’s an aesthetic choice that definitely works to the film’s advantage.

It Follows evokes the best parts of many other classic and cult horror films without directly copying them. The opening shot brings to mind the street in Haddonfield from Halloween. The languid and almost dreamlike state in which It Follows exists reminds you of films like Phantasm, Session 9, and The Innkeepers. That’s in no way a knock on the movie because it utilizes these elements to create a fresh story and set itself apart from what came before.

The lack of a discernible time period also works in the film’s favor. The children are watching old black and white movies on television and there’s not a cell phone in sight. It Follows works on many levels because it doesn’t utilize technology or any pop references that would ultimately date the film, thereby keeping it relevant and timeless for all generations.

It Follows is not without flaws, however, but they are minimal and perhaps just even my nitpicking on minor aspects of the story. More often than not, I couldn’t help wonder where all the parents were when their children were getting assaulted and even shot and, when they are seen, don’t seem concerned in the least. Also, the characters’ solution to destroying the entity is relatively arbitrary and comes out of left field.

But again, those are minor quibbles that barely detract from the overall effectiveness of the film. If you’re looking for something that will stay with you long after you’ve seen it, It Follows is just the type of movie that will burrow deep into your psyche and gnaw away at it for some time.

It Follows grade: B+

My Top 10 Horror Films

I honestly can’t say that I have one specific “favorite” horror film. Ask me on any given day and my answer will change because there are just far too many great ones from which to choose. That’s why it’s difficult to even pare it down to the ten below because I’m leaving off so many other classics (and non-classics that I just enjoy like 1999’s House on Haunted Hill and 2003’s Dead End).

What are the criteria I used to arrive at my top 10? Basically, I chose the ones that I’ll watch over and over again that scared the bejesus out of me when I first saw them (and, to be honest, a few still do). I also selected films that I feel are primarily horrific in nature and any other elements of the story are secondary (Aliens and Jaws are fantastic films but I see them as more action movies with strong horror elements underneath, so while they would be on a longer list, they don’t make the cut for the top ten).

Without further adieu, here are my top 10 in alphabetical order with a very brief description as to why:

Alien (1979)

The ultimate haunted house movie! After encountering a derelict spacecraft on an alien planet, the crew of the Nostromo find themselves being hunted one by one by a creature determined to kill them all. Sure, you can argue this is primarily science-fiction (and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree), but Alien is one terrifying horror movie from beginning to end.

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

I’ve already written about how much I love this film here. For me, it was the granddaddy of zombie movies because it’s the one I saw first. Tons followed but this is and always will be my favorite!

Halloween (1978)

Come on, how could this not be on anyone’s list? It’s the name of the holiday for God’s sake! Arguably the best slasher movie ever (though Black Christmas is a close second), the original Halloween still remains terrifying thanks to its slow build and creepy atmosphere. Before Michael Myers became an unstoppable supernatural juggernaut in later insallments, he was still merely a psycho bent on finishing the job he started 15 years before.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

The most terrifying thing is losing your humanity, your sense of self, and the remake of the 1956 science fiction classic really makes that idea a frightening reality. Taking it up a notch from the original, the 1978 version is filled with a horrifying sense of dread from beginning to end with a twist ending that still makes a viewer jump.

Phantasm (1979)

Dear lord, I almost soiled my pants the first time I saw this film. Filled with countless “WTF?” moments, Phantasm is like a nightmare you’ve had after combining several different spicy foods and downing it all with a beer milkshake. And it’s one hell of a fun ride! This is the type of movie that could only be made in the 70s and not be considered bizarre. The three (and soon to be four) sequels were fun but nothing beats the original.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Who or what is trying to take Rosemary’s Baby? Is Rosemary Woodhouse slowly going out of her mind or is there a sinister plot by Satan worshipers to take her child away? One of the ultimate slow burns in the horror genre, this movie winds the viewer up tighter and tighter until the explosive ending. Still effective today thanks to a conspiracy plot and demonic overtones.

The Exorcist (1973)

Probably the only film that has made me physically ill (thanks to the spinal tap scene–I hate needles), The Exorcist is one of two films on my list (the other being Rosemary’s Baby) that is almost completely faithful to its source material. Both books the films were based upon are nearly identical to the final product and equally as terrifying. I prefer the original version over the “version you’ve never seen” mainly due to the fact that while you know damn well little Regan is possessed by the devil, there are times when you think she might be suffering from some psychotic disorder (the extended film features the unnecessary “spider walk” sequence that seems a bit over the top).

The Shining (1980)

I’m a huge Stephen King fan and I’m well aware that he despises the adaption, but this is one hell of a scary movie. Though Kubrick jettisons much of the source material, he injects the weirdest of images into The Shining (the twins in the hallway, the guy in a dog outfit bent over a man in a tux) that you can’t help but be creeped out. This movie makes me leery of being trapped with anyone in a snowstorm, haunted hotel notwithstanding.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

I first saw this right before going to see its 1986 sequel and it unnerved me. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre plays like a documentary and its disturbing tale of a cannibal family preying on unsuspecting travelers made my skin crawl (in a good way because I still went to see part 2 and enjoyed that as well). I never saw the remake because nothing can top the original.

The Thing (1982)

On most days, I’ll downright admit to this being my favorite for several reasons. First of all, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it deals with the idea of losing one’s humanity, of having emotion and feeling stripped away until you’re an empty, alien husk. Second of all, it’s set in a great location (similar to The Shining) where any notion of outside help is a futile one. Third, it has the elements of a great slasher film (like Halloween) where the characters are eliminated one by one. Finally, The Thing still has, hands down, the best special effects of any movie I’ve ever seen. Forget CGI. Watch this film if you want to see how real effects are supposed to look.

In the end, any list of anyone’s favorite “anything” is bound to be based solely on an individual taste and preference. Your list is undoubtedly different than mine and that’s okay. It’s obvious that the list above is based upon films that scared me when I was younger so more modern horror films didn’t make the cut. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy movies like 2005’s The Descent, 1935’s The Bride of Frankenstein, 1996’s Scream, 2013’s The Conjuring, or literally hundreds of others. I do and those would also be on an extended list.

But I only have room for ten. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Happy Halloween!

Preview: April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama

Those of you in or around the North Vandergrift area of Pennsylvania are in for a real treat this weekend! The second annual April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama is slated for Friday, April 25th and Saturday, April 26th at the Riverside Drive-In.

Located about an hour northeast of Pittsburgh, the Riverside Drive-In will open its gates at 7pm both nights with a quadruple bill of classic horror films scheduled to begin at dusk. The prints are all 35mm and the lineup is as follows:

Friday, April 26th

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)–Loosely based on actual events, the film is set in 1946 Arkansas with a Texas Ranger hunting a hooded serial killer.

Carrie (1976)–Adapted from the novel by Stephen King, Carrie tells the story of a high school girl with telekinetic powers tormented by fellow classmates.

Suspiria (1977)–Dario Argento directed this bloody classic about a young student who attends an acclaimed ballet school only to realize it’s populated by witches.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)–Savages attack a family after they break down in a desolate area. An early Wes Craven gem!

Saturday, April 26th

Halloween (1978)–Michael Myers escapes from a psychiatric hospital and returns to his hometown of Haddonfield to wreak havoc on the residents.

The Beast Within (1982)–A teenage boy that was the product of a rape between a creature and a woman begins to exhibit strange behavior in this film inspired by the horror novel by Edward Levy.

Phantasm (1979)–Don Coscarelli’s classic featuring a boy and his friends who face off against an otherworldly tall man, his killer silver spheres, and an army of tiny creatures. On a personal note, THIS is the one I would really want to see on the big screen, then stay for…

Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1973)–An acting company travels to a small island and perform a satanic ritual with a corpse named Orville in an attempt to raise the dead. A campy (and ultimately scary) venture from Bob Clark of Black Christmas, A Christmas Story, and Porky’s fame.

Ticket information can be found here but please contact them for confirmation on special events. If you have the chance to catch this eclectic group of fantastic horror films, take it! You won’t be disappointed.

Happy 30th Anniversary to ‘V’

If you were in your formative years back in late 1983 and lucky enough to have access to HBO, you’ll remember that there were two movies that ran back to back pretty much all day—Heart Like a Wheel and The Beastmaster. Though I’ve only caught a few minutes of the former (as I was 13 at the time and had little interest in biographical dramas), I was an avid fan of the latter and would watch it constantly. I mean, who wouldn’t? Not only was it directed by Don Coscarelli of Phantasm fame, but it featured the badassery of Marc Singer who played Dar.

Dar about to unleash hell and birds

But I’m not here to talk about Singer’s badassery in The Beastmaster. I’m here to talk about the other 1983 epic that took his badassery to the next level—‘V’.

So not our friends

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the premiere of ‘V’, a predominantly sci-fi based miniseries that featured elements of horror (somewhat justifying its worthiness of an appearance on a horror site). Originally conceived as a straightforward drama with no genre overtones whatsoever, NBC persuaded creator Kenneth Johnson (TV’s ‘The Incredible Hulk’, ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ and ‘The Bionic Woman’) to alter his tale (which itself was inspired by Sinclair Lewis’ It Can’t Happen Here) to reflect the sci-fi craze brought on by films like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and, of course, the immensely popular Star Wars series.

‘V’ begins with giant alien ships looming over major cities around the world. When they finally introduce themselves to the people of earth, the aliens appear human but must wear tinted glasses to protect their eyes while outdoors. The other method of distinguishing themselves from us is the slight tininess reverberating in their voices. Otherwise, they seem normal.

Appearances are always deceiving, though, aren’t they?

When scientists and others who take a keen interest in the newly labeled “Visitors” start to draw the ire of the media and, in many circumstances, begin to mysteriously vanish or begin to exhibit strange behaviors, pockets of resistance cells pop up to undermine the aliens. After Mike Donovan (badass Marc Singer) obtains video evidence that the “Visitors” have insidious plans that don’t involve the exchange of technology for Earth’s resources, he becomes a fugitive and joins the Los Angeles resistance group led by Julie Parrish (Faye Grant, looking exceedingly hot as a scientist driven underground to continue her work).

This scene in particular did a lot to inspire my libido

The real reason the “Visitors” are here? They’re harvesting many of us for food (the aforementioned element of horror), stealing our water and are leaving some behind to face the “Visitors” other enemies.

While the ragtag group of L.A. resistance fighters isn’t ultimately victorious in the original ‘V’ miniseries, it does end up waging an effective war against the “Visitors” and sways some non-believers over to its side. The “Visitors” may still have a great deal of influence over the world’s governments and have established strong roots but the resistance is strong and even attempts to contact adversaries of the aliens by broadcasting a message into deep space (a plot point sadly abandoned in the follow up, “V-The Final Battle’).

‘V’ is arguably my all time favorite miniseries (with Chiefs*and The Blue & the Gray close behind) and though the special effects don’t hold up very well (it was TV in 1983 you know), the message is timeless. In 1983, America was in the middle of a Cold War; in 2013, we live in the shadow of terrorism and the discussion of fascism and the threat of a police state are often points of contention not only among radicals and extremists but also among certain media outlets.

If only we could harness the badassery of Marc Singer, we might just all be ok.

Happy anniversary ‘V’!

*1) I’ve actually just realized that all three of my favorite miniseries aired within a year or so of one another. Guess I’ve always been watching too much television. 2) Maybe it’s just the fondness for Chiefs, but each time I see Keith Carradine appear in something, I always refer to him as Foxy Funderburke, much to the bewilderment of others.