From the land of the original Santa Claus comes the Finnish film Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale which tells a very warped version of the Santa mythology.
When children and household items begin vanishing, locals suspect that an excavation team high upon the mountain is responsible. After dozens of reindeer are mutilated, the locals, who depend upon the animals for meat and money, are determined to have a little chat with the crew who have also disappeared. Instead, the locals discover a terrible horror being unearthed that will change what we all know about Santa’s true nature.
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is a short, fun little film that’s decent late night viewing around the holidays. Is it a good film, though? Well, it’s ok. It kept me entertained, mostly during the second half where the majority of the action takes place. It’s a bit sluggish until the local men get to the top of the mountain and find out the secret behind the beloved Christmas myth of Santa.
I can’t say that, as a horror film, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is successful on every level, but at a running time of less than an hour and a half, it’s worth checking out. It’s relatively well directed and acted and there’s some offbeat humor throughout that will elicit a few laughs (especially at the ending which is a nod to the film’s title).
Also known as The Offspring, From a Whisper to a Scream stars horror vet Vincent Price (Theater of Blood, The Abominable Dr. Phibes) as Julian White, an historian who tells a reporter (Susan Tyrell) stories about the diabolical evil that permeates the small town of Oldfield, Tennessee. The film is presented in an anthology style with each tale set at different times in the town’s history and loosely connected by Price’s wraparound segment.
In the present day, Stanley Burnside (Clu Gulager, Feast, The Return of the Living Dead) has unrequited love for co-worker Grace that leads to murder…and the unexpected consequence of a bizarre tryst.
In the 1950s, small time crook Jesse Hardwick (Terry Kiser, Weekend at Bernie’s) is wounded and on the run from gangsters when he encounters a man who harbors a rather odd secret that Hardwick wants to share. Hardwick learns the reality of the old adage, “Be careful what you wish for.”
When a local girl falls in love with a glass eating carnival performer in the 1930s, she draws the ire of the Snakewoman (Rosalind Cash, The Omega Man) who gave the eater his “powers” and doesn’t want the act split up.
Finally, a Civil War Union regimen encounters a group of war orphaned children living alone in a farmhouse. They soon find out what gruesome fate they’re resigned to when they discover the kids are a little more adult in nature than they appear.
To my surprise,From a Whisper to a Scream exceeded my expectations as I went in thinking it was going to be just another 1980s low budget exercise in horror. However, it turned out to be a competent anthology and, while it doesn’t quite reach the level of quality of Creepshow or V/H/S 2, it’s not bad. The stories are all solid, if somewhat unspectacular, with some decent performances, average gore, and interesting twists.
There are far better anthologies out there than From a Whisper to a Scream, but there are a lot worse, too. While it doesn’t totally deliver on the scares, it’s a fun movie that’s great viewing on a rainy afternoon. If you go in prepared for nothing more than a pleasant little diversion, you’ll have a good time.
An homage to the old EC horror comics of the 1950s, Creepshow features five short, terrifying tales courtesy of director George Romero (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead), author Stephen King (IT, The Stand, ‘Salem’s Lot) and special effects master Tom Savini (Friday the 13th, Dawn of the Dead).
Creepshow‘s tagline, “The most fun you’ll ever have being scared” is pretty apt. Thanks to the seamless combination of dark humor and grisly, visceral horror, Creepshow is arguably the most complete horror anthology film ever made. From the beginning to the end of the disturbing wraparound tale that bookends the film (featuring Night of the Creeps‘ Tom Atkins as well as King’s son, Heart Shaped Box‘s author Joe Hill) and throughout each short, Creepshow doesn’t waste a single frame.
It’s truly difficult to single out any particular story as being the strongest (or weakest, for that matter) as each offers a frightfully terrific yarn to spin.
In “Father’s Day”, family patriarch Nathan Grantham, long dead and buried, returns from the grave to see if he can get a father’s day cake from his descendants which include Bedelia, his tormented daughter (and murderer).
“The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill” finds the titular backwoods simpleton (played by King) discovering a meteorite whose internal substance has a long lasting effect on his mental and physical state.
Leslie Nielsen (Airplane, Naked Gun) stars as a cuckolded husband who exacts revenge on his wife (Gaylen Ross, Dawn of the Dead) and her lover (Ted Danson, Cheers, Fargo) by burying them up to their necks in the beach’s sand, telling them that they have a slim chance of survival, only if they can hold their breath. In “Something to Tide You Over’, that’s just the beginning!
“The Crate” houses something long undiscovered under the stairs of a college building–and for good reason, because what’s inside poses problems (and maybe even some solutions) for college professors Fritz Weaver and Hal Holbrook.
Ruthless businessman and germophobe Upson Pratt has a special surprise awaiting him after berating employees and being responsible for a man’s death courtesy of some unwanted insects in “They’re Creeping Up On You”.
Though I didn’t grow up on the EC comics from the 1950s, I did love the similar offerings by DC Comics in the 1970s like House of Mystery and House of Secrets which also featured supernatural and horrific short stories. Combine my affinity for those comic books, the horror genre, and the creative force behind the film, and Creepshow was an immediate sell for me. I was even fortunate enough to attend the Pittsburgh premiere of the film at the old Showcase Cinemas East in Monroeville, PA, located a stone’s throw from the mall where Dawn of the Dead was shot. Though King wasn’t in attendance, I did get to meet both Savini and Romero, both of whom I’ve crossed paths with a few times over the last 30 years. They were and remain incredibly nice and gracious guys!
I still have the autograph over 30 years later.
It had been years since I saw Creepshow but it holds up better than ever, especially if you love some genuinely scary tales and the blackest of humor. I’m not sure why there’s never a lot of chatter about this film, particularly around Halloween, but those who love anthologies like Trick ‘R Treat, Tales of Halloween or the V/H/S films should check out Creepshow because they’ll be far from disappointed.
Three years following the death of her mother, Amanda (Malin Akerman), Max (Taissa Farmiga) attends a screening of Camp Bloodbath, an 80s slasher film in which Amanda gained fame as a “scream queen”. Through a strange twist of fate, Max and her friends are pulled into the film and must use their wits and knowledge of the movie itself to survive the machete wielding maniac trying to kill them.
In less capable hands, The Final Girls could easily have been a nightmare–and not in a good way. However, writers M.A. Fortin and Joshua John Miller as well as director Todd Strauss-Schulson all obviously possess a love of both the horror genre and 1980s slasher films and that genuine affection shines through here in spades. The Final Girls is one of the most innovative horror films to come along since The Cabin in the Woods and is thoroughly entertaining from start to finish.
What the creators of the film have done is not easy to accomplish. They conjured up a sketchy premise (people get sucked into a film), added the well worn theme of characters’ knowledge of horror tropes to cheat death, and rounded out their film with a cast whose names and faces may be recognizable, but aren’t high on the marquee.
And it all works beautifully.
First and foremost, what makes The Final Girls a resounding success is that the characters seem real and believable, regardless of whether they’re in the film itself, or the film within a film (the aforementioned Camp Bloodbath). There’s an enormous amount of chemistry between all of the actors and, in terms of the talented cast, Farmiga (American Horror Story: Coven) and Akerman (Trophy Wife) are just the tip of the iceberg. Nina Dobrev (The Vampire Diaries), Adam Devine (Modern Family), and Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development) are just a few of the familiar faces whose performances are so nuanced that it lends the film a distinct credibility other actors might not have been adept enough to pull off.
Are there a few flaws in The Final Girls? Sure, especially toward the end of the film where it takes another twist that’s fun but lacks logic. The Final Girls makes no effort to explain this turn, but it doesn’t really need to. I know that I had no interest in any coherent reasoning behind the direction the story ended up taking because it was entertaining and generally fit within the world the movie had created.
I really hope The Final Girls gets the wide release it so richly deserves because it’s well worth your time. It has more than enough nostalgia for those who fondly remember those 80s slasher movies but enough character development and appeal as a heartwarming story for those who might not appreciate the genre.
Whatever you’re doing, drop it and go find The Final Girls right now. It’s in limited theatrical release as of this writing but you can get it on demand (as I did). You won’t be disappointed.
Tales of Halloween is the latest attempt to replicate both the cult and financial success horror anthology films like V/H/S, V/H/S 2, and Trick ‘r Treat have had in recent years. With ten loosely connected tales helmed by different directors, the entirety of Tales of Halloween takes place on one night in a small American town.
Tales of Halloween is often more fun that frightening which is kind of a welcome change for a genre film. If you’re looking for an old fashioned urban legend story, “Sweet Tooth” is right up your alley. How about an unstoppable serial killer with an alien thrown in? “Friday the 31st” is for you! And if you always wondered what the devil was up to on Halloween, “The Night Billy Raised Hell” will provide some answers.
Like any anthology, the stories are a bit uneven with the best (“The Ransom of Rusty Rex” and “Friday the 31st”) offering a nice mixture of humor and horror and the least successful (“The Weak and the Wicked” and “Ding Dong”) leaving one wonder what could have been had they been a little more developed story-wise.
There’s something for everyone in these ten tales so if you love Halloween, Tales of Halloween is a highly entertaining love letter to both the holiday and the horror genre. Cameos from horror actors (Cabin Fever‘s Cerina Vincent, From Beyond‘s Barbara Crampton) and directors (John Landis and Mick Garris) abound with the best turns being offered by The Rocky Horror Picture Show‘s Barry Bostwick, The Mist‘s Sam Witwer, and Landis. And there’s not one flaw among the directorial styles, even if some of the tales failed to ignite any enthusiasm within individual segments (one in particular being the visually stunning but ultimately underwhelming “Ding Dong” by Lucky McKee).
Tales of Halloween is solid overall and a welcome entry into any annual Halloween movie marathon and I know that I’m eagerly anticipating a follow up. More Tales of Halloween, anyone?
When we last left The Abominable Dr. Phibes, he had just finished up his killing spree before relegating himself to a state of suspended animation. Thanks to a long awaited alignment of the planets, it’s now time that Dr. Phibes Rises Again!
Vincent Price reprises his role as the mad Dr. Anton Phibes, still searching for a way to revive his wife, Victoria, from the dead. This time around, he has to get his hands on a papyrus scroll that was stolen from a safe in his now demolished mansion. The scroll leads the way to an underground tomb in Egypt which is reputed to house the River of Life, whose flowing waters will not only bring Victoria back, but also grant them both immortality. His suspicions that the scroll was taken by Darius Biederbeck (Robert Quarry, Count Yorga, Vampire) are confirmed as he eavesdrops outside and hears Biederbeck’s nefarious plans to extend his own life. Now, Phibes must once again put his murderous talents to work in order to gain possession of the scroll.
Dr. Phibes Rises Again. like its predecessor, is a wonderful mix of over the top horror and black comedy (the first murder alone in which a man is dispatched in quite an unexpected manner given the circumstances, actually made me laugh out loud–with the film, not at it) and Price again plays the titular role to perfection. Price is one of those actors that was born to inhabit these larger than life roles because he possessed the ability to ground his characters in reality, no matter how insane the plot of the film.
To be honest, more of today’s horror films and TV shows could stand to learn a few lessons from the Dr. Phibes films. While some have been able to successfully combine visceral horror and dark comedy (2014’s Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead and almost any season of American Horror Story immediately come to mind, though the latter of the two sometimes takes itself a little too seriously as it nears season’s end), others largely fail in at least one of the two, refusing to commit fully to pulling out all the stops.
At any rate, Dr. Phibes Rises Again is a worthy successor to The Abominable Dr. Phibes. It retains the inventiveness of the original’s revenge based murder spree without seeming too familiar or derivative, and all tongues remain planted firmly in cheek throughout the entire film. The warped doctor may or may not have found life eternal (watch the film to see his fate), but hopefully these two films will thanks to future generations.
If I were writing this review in 1995 (when the flashback of the series’ opening scene is set), I might be pretty excited about Scream Queens. After all, it’s a snarky, satirical look at the sorority life mixed with a little serial killing (courtesy of the Red Devil).
The only problem is that it’s 2015 and everything about this series has been done much better over the past 25 years, beginning with the horror film classic, Scream, and continuing all the way through the modern day with the TV anthology series American Horror Story (at least the spectacular first season anyway). There is literally no new ground Scream Queens breaks and that’s kind of disappointing when you consider the talent behind the show.
Scream Queens is the latest series courtesy of Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan, the forces behind such popular shows as Nip/Tuck,Glee, and the aforementioned American Horror Story. Like their previous offerings, they populate Scream Queens with a pretty solid cast including Lea Michele (Glee), Emma Roberts (American Horror Story: Coven and Freak Show), Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) and a host of other talent comprised of both up and comers and veteran actors. Their biggest coup was scoring the original “scream queen” Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween) as Dean Munsch, whose main goal is to close the sorority (or at least be a thorn in their side).
When I heard Bat For Lashes “What’s A Girl To Do” over the opening scene, I was pretty excited because it’s a terrific, woefully underplayed song (with a pretty eerie video to boot). Even the first few minutes provide an interesting hook–a sorority girl gives birth in a tub while her sisters abandon her to go back to their party and jam while chasing Waterfalls. When they return, the baby is alive but their sister has bled out and died.
Scream Queens then switches gears to modern day where Chanel (Emma Roberts) abuses her closest sorority sisters while bashing heads (figuratively, not literally…yet, anyway) with Curtis’ Dean Munsch. Toss in a slew of pledges, some egotistical frat boys, the new girl Grace (Skyler Samuels) and her overprotective father (Oliver Hudson), and the “nice guy” barista/school paper editor (Diego Boneta) looking to dig up dirt on the sorority, and you’ve got a pretty large cast of characters to service in an hour long show. The good news is that a majority of these characters have a lot to do.
The bad news is that it’s been done before.
As “Hell Week” began, my wife asked me how many episodes Scream Queens has overall.
“Too many”, I replied.
Save for some interesting scenes (the killing while texting was mildly humorous), Scream Queens seems mired in a past that has long since vanished (oddly enhanced by an 80’s soundtrack). I can see where all involved are approaching it with a “tongue in cheek” attitude and that’s definitely the way to go with a series like this. However, there’s nothing of any substance here to keep viewers (at least this one) entertained on a weekly basis. To think that this show has enough steam to make it to a half dozen episodes is wishful thinking, but it’s slated to have more than double that!
Because Scream Queens borrows from every trope in the book and fails to truly put an interesting spin on them, these queens amount to little more than peasants eking out a hoarse whisper.
Evan Sanders (Fran Kranz, The Cabin in the Woods, Dollhouse) is in a dead end job. He’s “acting” sales manager and in line for a promotion to supervise a group of unmotivated telemarketers. Evan’s also in dutch with Mandy (Emma Fitzpatrick, The Social Network), who’s not only the head of Human Resources, but also his girlfriend…and someone he’s just pissed off in a rather awkward, intimate moment.
Just when he thinks things are going to turn in his favor, Evan is passed over for the promotion in favor of his old college nemesis, Max (Pedro Pascal, Game of Thrones). Armed with a vibrant attitude and a confident swagger, Max has plans to turn the company around by turning employees into vampires. Will Max let Evan stake a claim in the ranks of the new corporate order or will Evan face a new method of termination?
Let’s face it, there are many of us who can identify with Evan’s plight. Hell, I’ve had my share of soul sucking jobs, complete with promises of climbing the corporate ladder only to find that you have to trade your life to get ahead. That’s what makes the premise of Bloodsucking Bastards so enticing. Who among us would really be surprised to find out our bosses and go-getting co-workers were lifeless bloodsuckers?
Distributed by Scream Factory and Shout! Factory (who both put out some amazing films and TV shows on DVD and Blu-Ray), Bloodsucking Bastards borrows from countless workplace films including Office Space and Glengarry Glen Ross as well as numerous vampire movies. Not that that’s a bad thing, though, because some great dialogue (courtesy of Dr. God and Ryan Mitts) and exuberant performances (from Kranz, Pascal, Fitzpatrick, Joey Kern and the entire cast, really) intermingle to make Bloodsucking Bastards a real pleasure.
Director Brian James O’Connell keeps things moving briskly while tossing in plenty of gore and comedy. His style is reminiscent of Edgar Wright in that he frames scenes in a manner that, when repeated later in the film, are viewed in a new light to heighten both the humor and horror. If there’s any issue I had with the film’s direction, it’s that many scenes felt claustrophobic as if O’Connell was reluctant to open up the action. There are too many instances where we’re treated to either close ups, medium shots, or bust shots rather than a larger scope of the surroundings. However, that could have been due to budget constraints which is understandable considering the talent they were able to attract (i.e. name actors cost money).
Overall, I’d recommend Bloodsucking Bastards to both comedy and horror fans alike. What first drew me in was the fact that Kranz was the lead (as he’s great in just about anything) and Scream Factory and Shout! Factory were involved in the film’s distribution. I didn’t expect to get as much out of it as I did, however, and that’s always a plus in my book. Bloodsucking Bastards firmly understands that characters (albeit somewhat stereotypical in this case) are what elevate a story above a clever gimmick.
If you enjoy films in the vein of Shaun of the Dead, Army of Darkness, or even Office Space, then you’ll drink up the savory treats Bloodsucking Bastards has to offer!
How can you not love Frankenhooker? It’s a timeless story. Boy loves girl, girl is horribly mutilated by a rampaging lawnmower, boy uses cash and super charged crack to solicit prostitutes who explode and provide him with the necessary appendages to put his girlfriend back together.
What originally attracted me to Frankenhooker (other than the title and premise, of course) was the VHS box that featured a button you could push to hear the patchwork prostitute yell “WANNA DATE?” loudly throughout Blockbuster Video. I’m not sure what marketing genius came up with the idea for the box, but he or she should have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame because the whole packaging of that film was tantalizing for any horror fan strolling the aisles at the video store.
Director Frank Henenlotter never gets the credit he deserves for Frankenhooker, possibly because he’d already had two horror classics under his belt (Basket Case and Brain Damage) prior to making it. But, Frankenhooker is a total delight with off kilter performances by James Lorinz (who, as mad doctor Jeffrey, resembles a DNA splicing experiment gone awry with samples from Andrew McCarthy, Dana Carvey, and Dennis Miller included in that soup) and Patty Mullen (1987’s Penthouse Pet of the Year) as Elizabeth, his doomed girlfriend who shows off some great comedic chops as she wanders the streets as the titular creature.
Frankenhooker hearkens back to that wonderful time in the 80s and 90s when you could stumble upon gems like this just by perusing the shelves at national chain Blockbuster or a local video dealer. Yes, we now have Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and other internet options where almost anything we desire is at our fingertips. It’s just not the same, though. Nothing can replace the glee of pushing that button repeatedly, reaching behind the box for the plastic case containing that VHS tape, and toting it around until you checked out and rushed home to watch it.
If it’s been a while since you’ve seen Frankenhooker, be kind, rewind 25 years, and give this black comedy horror classic another look on whatever medium you find it on now.
When Aaron (co-writer and director Patrick Brice) is hired to film a day in the life of Josef (co-writer Mark Duplass), he’s under the impression that he’s preserving a memory of the dying Josef for his unborn son.
Or at least that’s what Josef tells him.
However, things get a little uncomfortable when Josef starts acting a little odd, taking every opportunity to frighten him while also trying to win his friendship and love. Is Josef being completely honest with Aaron or does he have an ulterior motive for inviting him to his cabin?
While Creep is in no way groundbreaking in the horror genre, I have to admit that I enjoyed the hell out of this film as it’s equally frightening and hilarious with its deft combination of scares and black humor. Duplass (Safety Not Guaranteed, The One I Love) turns in a fantastic performance in what amounts to a character study of a lonely, disturbed man seeking…well, let’s just say companionship because to offer any other information about Josef’s intentions would ruin the film. As in his other films, Duplass’ quirkiness works to Creep‘s advantage because you never know whether or not to trust him and that ultimately allows the viewer to both sympathize with Josef when not being unnerved by him.
Creep is Brice’s first feature and it’s a solid effort with tight pacing and sparse storytelling. I often complain about today’s films being way too long as the majority favor style over substance leading to running times of well over two hours. However, Creep is just right, clocking in at approximately 80 minutes which is all it needs to provide some nice little jolts and thrills. We get just enough of a glimpse into the lives of these two men to satisfy our curiosity; any more information would be overbearing and unnecessary.
I’m not certain that Creep will appeal to everyone as it treads pretty familiar ground and those who have seen a lot of horror films might be slightly jaded by it. However, I’m pretty jaded myself and I’d highly recommend it over most of today’s standard fare. If I wasn’t disappointed, you probably won’t be either. Creep is currently streaming on Netflix so add it to your list while it’s available.
This Old Haunted House 