Review: Horror Express (1972)

While on an expedition in Manchuria, anthropologist Alexander Saxton (Christopher Lee, Horror of Dracula) discovers the frozen remains of what he believes to be a missing link in the evolution of humanity. After packing up the crate containing the creature, Saxton stashes it on the Trans-Siberian Express and travels from Shanghai to Moscow in the hopes of further examining the rare archaeological find upon his return. On board with him as his compartment mate is colleague Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing, Torture Garden) who is also eager to get a glimpse at the specimen. Before the train leaves the station, a thief attempts to break into Saxton’s crate but is killed, his eyes glazed over milky white, leading a local monk to proclaim the contents evil. Is he right? Of course he is. After all, the film is entitled Horror Express.

It’s probably been a good 30 years since I last watched Horror Express which, as I recall, was a somewhat regular staple on the old WOR-TV Superstation. Back then, it scared the bejesus out of me. Now? Well, it’s certainly not the scarefest I remember, but it’s still one hell of a fun little movie.

What I wasn’t aware of at the time is that Horror Express is based on the  John W. Campbell novella, “Who Goes There?”, a significant work in the sci-fi horror genre that inspired 1951’s The Thing From Another World, John Carpenter’s 1982 remake simply titled The Thing (one of my top 5 all time horror films) and even 1979’s Alien (screenwriter Dan O’Bannon claims he used the films based on the novella as inspiration). To be honest, it had been so long since I’d seen it that I’d forgotten the creature isn’t just a mindless beast with the power to kill just by staring into the eyes of its prey–it’s an intelligent being that’s able to use the bodies of those it claims to mimic them. The creature leaves the victim with a smooth brain, thereby stealing the intelligence and memory of whomever it kills and using the knowledge and information to its advantage. As an added bonus, it can reanimate those it kills, using them as a zombie army when necessary.

To modern audiences, Horror Express probably isn’t going to be all that appealing unless you’re a film buff or a die hard horror fan. But it does have a lot more charm than expected. Not only does it re-team genre veterans Lee and Cushing, but it also features a brief appearance by Telly Savalas (Kojak) as Captain Kazan, a zealous Cossack searching for smuggled rebels aboard the train.

Many would probably hastily dismiss Horror Express upon first glance because both the title and poster make it appear as if it’s a rather cheesy entry into the horror genre. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Obviously there’s no way it could compare to modern day horror films because of the lack of quality special effects, but that shouldn’t rule it out as an option for anyone when searching for something fun to watch. It’s pretty decently paced and rather well directed and acted and I’m not certain as to why the film doesn’t receive more exposure.

Horror Express, like The Monster Club, will always hold a special place in my heart because I enjoyed them both so much when I was young. That said, I never completely allow nostalgia to cloud my opinions; rather, I take the films at face value, considering when they were made, what purpose they served at the time of release, and if they stand the test of time. Horror Express certainly holds up relatively well, is deserving of attention and more than worth your time, especially as part of a double feature with one of the films mentioned above. You can pick up a Blu-Ray copy of the film at Amazon.

Horror Express grade: B+

Review: Torture Garden (1967)

 

“It will show you nothing but what is in your own heart.”–Dr. Diabolo

When I randomly selected Torture Garden as the final film in my 31 Days of Halloween movie marathon, how could I have known that it would come from the same team that created a movie I saw a week ago today (The Psychopath)?

Director Freddie Francis (Tales From The Crypt), writer Robert Bloch (Psycho), and producer Milton Subotsky (The Monster Club) came together again in 1967 to make the anthology film starring Burgess Meredith (The Twilight Zone, Batman) and Jack Palance (City Slickers, Shane).

Torture Garden follows the same basic structure as other Amicus anthologies such as The Vault of Horror, Tales From The Crypt, and From Beyond the Grave in that a mysterious main character allows several individuals to obtain a glimpse into their very often ominous futures. In this film we meet:

• A man who finds himself driven to murder by a mesmerizing, man-eating cat
• A Hollywood actress who will do anything to become one of the top 10 stars
• A famed pianist whose grand piano holds an evil sway over him
• An Edgar Allan Poe collector (Palance) who murders another collector (Peter Cushing) to gain access to his items and uncover dark secrets

None of the segments are particularly bad. However, none are particularly memorable either. They’re basically watered down morality tales you might find on TV shows like The Twilight Zone or Thriller (both of which were far better at executing this type of material).

If you’re looking for something to pass the time on a gloomy afternoon, you could do a lot worse than Torture Garden, but I would recommend checking out one of the later Amicus anthologies–they had a bit more flair and the twists were a little more creative. Seek this one out only for a rare villainous turn by Burgess Meredith, a great character actor whose performance always elevated any story.

Torture Garden grade: C

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Review: House of the Long Shadows (1983)

I guess I didn’t know what to expect with House of the Long Shadows. On one hand, it features four horror legends–John Carradine, Peter Cushing, Vincent Price, and Christopher Lee–sharing scenes together for the first and only time in their careers. On the other, the lead is Desi Arnaz, Jr., someone not really known for either horror or being a lead in a major motion picture.

What I do know is that I went in with the expectation of having a really good time. What I got was something completely different.

Arnaz plays Kenneth Magee, a writer who bets his publisher that he can churn out a Wuthering Heights style novel in 24 hours. To ensure total isolation, Magee stays at an old Welsh manor where he will spend the night typing away. However, as the evening progresses, he discovers that he’s not alone.

First, he’s startled by two caretakers (Carradine and Sheila Keith) who are later revealed to be Lord Grisbane and his daughter, Victoria. It’s their home and, with the help of sons Lionel (Price) and Sebastian (Cushing), they plan to release their son, Roderick, from the room in which he’s been imprisoned for 40 years. Roderick killed a pregnant village girl decades ago and the Grisbane family meted out their own justice.

Next, Magee allies himself with Mary Norton (Julie Peasgood), his publisher’s secretary, and Corrigan (Lee), a prospective buyer of the manor, to help track Roderick down when it’s discovered that he’s escaped and is dangerous. Later, two travelers find themselves stranded at the manor and become part of the festivities.

Then the murders begin as family members are picked off one by one. It’s a race against time to hunt down Roderick before everyone dies.

Sounds great, right? Well it’s not.

Arnaz just doesn’t have the acting chops to really make his character believable. In his defense, however, his role (as well as the other characters in the film) isn’t well developed. Even horror giants like the four mentioned above can’t do much with the material they’ve been given.

House of the Long Shadows also lives up to it’s name because the film is bathed in darkness. I could have put up blackout curtains on my windows and sat in total darkness and still wouldn’t have been able to make out images for at least 60% of the movie. I’m not certain if it was the quality of the video (which I watched on Amazon instant) or poor choices made by whomever was responsible for lighting the film, but much of House of Long Shadows is unwatchable (and that’s not even considering the plodding pacing). If the lighting was an aesthetic choice, it was a bad one. There’s a big difference between creating atmosphere and complete ineptitude and if it was done purposely, I’m afraid the latter would describe this movie.

And don’t even get me started on the double twist ending that left me scratching my head. One twist is fine. Two is a clear sign you’re trying too hard to be clever and it just didn’t work in the movie’s favor. At one point, I had to ask whether a character had a twin the story failed to mention because it was the fourth name the character used in the span of an hour and forty minutes.

If you’re looking for a movie with a clever twist and a better storyline, try either Return to Horror High or April Fool’s Day and leave House of the Long Shadows sitting vacant. Unless you want to see Lee, Cushing, Price, and Carradine together, it’s a waste of time.

House of the Long Shadows grade: D

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